This is not the easiest writing I will have done. By necessity, I will have to delve into an area I’m not particularly attracted to and some of you have every right to laugh and wonder how families continue to function with people like me at the helm. I’m supposed to be the leader of my family but sometimes my brain just doesn’t function like it should! And the paradox is, I know people like me could not get along without all of you “other kind” of people. Fact is, people like me need people like you.
A big issue currently in Kingdom Campus world is numbers, and so this should be a post about accounting, cost estimates and finance. But, me writing about numbers would be like Snoopy writing about electromagnetic induction and nucleosynthesis. Funny perhaps, but not particularly enlightening. So allow me to approach this a bit differently.
In my last post here, I attempted to describe the mysterious experience we recently undertook in envisioning “what could be” in our new church home. The old Cowcatcher Restaurant is just like any other potential church home in that it will require modification in order to accommodate our needs. People risked walking through this potential home to envision how their different ministries could fit and function within the building. In my book, this was a “risky” endeavour because walking through rooms and allowing their hearts to envision “what could be” exposed each of them (and all of us) to potential disappointment. I’m happy to report here that each of the faithful returned from the journey intact, and we did not lose a soul!
Since then, experts have been putting pencil to paper, doing their “gosintas” (for the “youngins” in our family, this is a Beverly Hillbillies/Jethro Bodine word for arithmetic (2 “goes-in-to” 8, 4 times)), and came up with an estimated cost for each suggested/desired change. They even split things up in “phases” of development (this amount of money needed for Phase 1; this for Phase 2; etc.). Pretty cool watching these “other” kind of people work. One reaction I had, however, was “Wow!” Once again, the reality of a big, monstrous, thick, solid green wall called MONEY threatens to hold back progress! Since we’re not being called to fight pagan communities and take their silver, gold and cows, where do we go from here?
A couple of Sundays ago, Steven Mackey gave a powerful message of how G_d will take something seemingly small and plainly not enough to create the unimaginable. We were all inspired by Steven’s teaching of the story of Jesus’ transformation of five loaves and two fish to feed the masses. As Steven taught, Jesus first tested his follower Philip by asking how 5000+ people were going to be fed. Philip gave one of my typical deer-in-the-headlight responses, “duh, not really sure.” Follower Andrew then pointed out to Jesus a boy with loaves and fish, but then questioned how so many could be fed with so little. I can almost hear him say to Jesus, “It’s all we have.”
As I focused on Steven’s teaching, I pondered how often I’ve questioned how the seemingly impossible could possibly happen. Suddenly, a new thought occurred to me; a revelation, if you will. Always before, I pictured the story of loaves and fish basically to be about two things: human doubt on one side, and G_d’s power and benevolence on the other. For the first time, I saw a third player in this drama.
Never before had I focused on why Andrew pointed out to Jesus that the child had food. It just never before occurred to me to ask. In all the times I’ve read and listened to sermons about this story, I always just smiled with bemusement about how dumb these guys must be to still doubt the King of Everything after they’ve given up their day jobs and left home to follow Him all over the countryside, seen miracles (can you imagine witnessing the water to wine conversion, or a blind man given sight??), and in what I consider to be one of the most envious positions of all mankind, being able to sit and listen to Jesus every night by a campfire.
But not this time. Steven’s teaching spurred me to wander into a different arena of thought and see a third aspect of this story. When Andrew recognized the limited amount of available food and pointed out the boy and his pittance to Jesus, was Andrew driven at that point only by doubt? I always thought so before. Is that all I’m supposed to take from Andrew’s reaction? Or was there something else that danced within Andrew’s spirit?
If Andrew completely, wholly, 100% believed that the boy’s loaves and fish would not be enough to feed the masses, why point them out to Jesus in the first place? I wouldn’t. I’d probably tell the boy, “thanks, but no thanks kid; 5 loaves and 2 fish doesn’t “gosinta” 5000.” In fact, the Bible tells of disciples doing just that in other situations. How many times did disciples tell people to back off and leave the master alone? Could it be this time, however, that dancing within Andrew’s spirit was something that actually pushed him to tell Jesus about the boy? A tinge of hope, maybe?
Yup, that’s right . . . hope. That intangible, feel-good, invisible thing we have no idea what to do with. Frankly, the word hope is one of those things that makes me feel good, but as a practical matter I sometimes have no “earthly” idea what to do with. I remember the movie “Hope Floats” and relate immediately . . . hope floats around in such a way that it seems darn hard to hold on to.
In any event, two Sundays ago it occurred to me that there may have been a part of Andrew that hoped. His may not have been just a picture of doubt. No, I’m thinking that deep in the middle of his doubt that 5 loaves and 2 fish couldn’t possibly feed that many people, the Holy Spirit whispered hope into Andrew’s heart and nudged him to tell Jesus about the boy. You know, just in case Jesus could do something with it. And then, well, Jesus spoke, and it was done.
The Home Committee recently met and reviewed proposed modifications to Cowcatchers and the experts’ gosintas. “Remarkably” (you know, that “miraculous” thing popping again), this site, with modifications, can accommodate our basic needs. The site offers an interesting uniqueness and would require getting used to, but then again, doesn’t that match us? The pragmatic part of our Committee (you know, those “other” kind of people) reminded us to prioritize needs against available funds, and since our family doesn’t have millions of dollars oozing out of our coffers, cash on hand, anticipated revenue, available financing, and other “gosinta” issues abound. Construction options must be considered (i.e., what modifications are needed now versus later). And then we factor in what modifications we think the owner of the property should pay for. Basically (especially to people like me), it boils down to what can we get with what we “have.” A key question: Will “all we have” be enough? Hmmmmm, I’m guessing you’re in the middle of this, aren’t you Holy Spirit?
I believe that our church is in the midst of working through an interesting quandary. On the optimistic, happy side, we’re invited to lease a space that could fulfill our short-term needs and give us a 7-day-a-week place to hang our hat and see what beautiful things the Lord can do for His faithful. Soooooo, where’s the quandary?? Different issues: being good stewards with limited available funds; considering options of obtaining needed additional funds; potential financing options; deciding how much we should spend now if G_d only wants us here a couple of years; to what extent does this site address our family’s short-term needs; will spending a lot now effectively limit our options to choose a different long-term home; how does Cowcatchers fit in the long-term plan?
Clearly, the big green MONEY monster is staring us down. What’s the right choice?
This past week, the Pastor’s Council met, considered all alternatives, and voted to pursue negotiations to lease Cowcatchers for two years, with an option to extend and/or purchase. These negotiations will start this week. Many factors will affect the success of the negotiations, so prayer should be on all of our agendas these next two weeks. In the world of “it’s all we have,” however, let’s remember that hope comes alive.
This past Sunday, I wrote down at least five times where Pastor Scott mentioned hope. Though not the primary theme of his sermon, he was apparently nudged to say the word numerous times. And for those in our church family who are macho or may be thinking this is a mushy, sweet, feel-good concept, please consider Hebrews 6:19, where hope is described as an “anchor for the soul, firm and secure.” An “anchor”: solid enough to hold us from drifting away; solid enough to keep us in a place that’s safe. Also remember Steven Mackey’s teaching on Jeremiah 29:11, which speaks of G_d’s plans to give us not only a future, but “a hope.”
Yes, I believe hope spoke into Andrew’s heart that late afternoon, and I believe that the Holy Spirit is whispering hope to us today. Hope that even though “all we have” does not seem near enough, G_d has a plan. Hope that fish sandwiches will become aplenty in our house, and that the unimaginable becomes our reality.
As surely as the Lord lives, He will give an answer to His faithful. And perhaps, the answer may be staring at us in the face. Indeed, our conundrum can be considered a blessing, and one to give thanks for. We could be drifting on the street, wondering where our next meal will come from. I pray that our leaders and financial, real estate, construction and engineering experts be blessed this week as they continue to move forward with their gosintas and begin serious negotiations. And in addition, and perhaps more importantly, that we and they listen to His whisper of hope, for that is an anchor to grab hold of!
Shema
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